All of us have been struck by the recent tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. Inevitably, debates and questions involving gun control, early identification of possible mental illness and new or enhanced security measures for schools skyrocket in myriad directions. Ultimately, and sadly, most of us are left in a state of paralysis and emotional impotence, as we feel powerless to help mend what appears to be a shredding social fabric.
Most of the wisdom that I access in my life comes through my wife. As we discussed this numbing event, she inserted a simple little phrase into the discussion: “random acts of kindness.” As we considered what a sole individual could do to make a difference, I was reminded of the beautiful little movie, “Pay It Forward.”
Those who have seen it will recall that “paying forward” was the creation of a middle school aged boy, Trevor, in response to a class assignment by his creative social studies teacher. The task was to come up with an idea that “would change the world.” Predictably, most of these early adolescent students came up with silly, whimsical, or outrageous notions, but Trevor’s idea had merit. Turning the phrase “pay someone back” for some kindness or good deed around, Trevor’s concept was to do two acts of kindness to some stranger (or anyone, for that matter) as a simple act of beneficence. No returning a favor; just a desire to be helpful or kind to another person. Like a huckster marketing a pyramid scheme, Trevor explained to his classmates that if those two people did two acts of kindness to two other people, that would produce four good deeds in total. And so on. Hence “paying it forward” would ultimately generate a worldwide network of good will and charitable action via geometric progression.
As is true with chain letters of those pyramids, someone inevitably breaks the desired sequence. There isn’t much we can do about that. But the impact of those simple acts of kindness are immeasurable. The holiday classic “It’s A Wonderful Life” examines the impact that one person has on countless others. As the film reveals, we never know the impact that behavior might have on the world if the act had not been performed. We only know what did (or didn’t) happen.
This is the central difficulty with acts of prevention: We never get the gratifying feedback about what didn’t happen as a result of our intervention. No friend or mentor will ever learn after breakfast that a co-worker didn’t get a drunk driving ticket, or attempt suicide, or commit a violent act because of his/her earlier support or willingness to listen to a troubled soul.
Could the immeasurable pain of Newtown have been ameliorated by “a random act of kindness” by some neighbor, teacher, or coach for the dead perpetrator of this horrific crime? No one can say. Sadly, we do know what happened. We will never know if it could have been avoided. It is truly an “act of faith” that our simple deeds may have a profound, unknown impact on others in the future.
Why not sign up for “Trevor’s pyramid” and pay it forward with random acts of kindness? Allow yourself some measure of satisfaction that we may have prevented some unhappiness, pain, or evil through our steps, while also accepting that we will never have the satisfaction of the possible positive impact of out deeds