Wherever you are, be there totally. – Tolle
The iconic film, The Karate Kid, was released in 1984. Along with Dirty Dancing and The Godfather trilogy, the lessons of Mr. Miyagi for his student, Daniel, became part of the contemporary culture of the late 20th century in America. Just as we learned to “make an offer that can’t be refused” from Don Corleone and “not to put Baby in the corner” from Johnny (Patrick Swayze), we came to understand that simple phrase, “wax on; wax off” and “sand the floor” had far deeper meanings that went beyond domestic chores. And perhaps the most important directive of all from Daniel’s sensei, “Always look in the eye,” remains a metaphor for the value and importance of honesty and assertiveness in today’s society. The Karate Kid was a film about teens but was definitely much more than a kids’ movie. Life lessons were taught through the eyes of an adolescent, coming from the wisdom of an older, adult teacher.
In my profession as a counselor, the concept of “mindfulness” is an important vehicle for self- understanding and personal growth. Essentially, mindfulness invites all of us to examine, at any moment in time in our life, three factors:
- How am I feeling (emotionally)?
- How am I feeling (physically)?
- What am I thinking?
At moments of high stress in our life, fear or anger may present itself. We become aware of the bodily sensations of tension and nervousness. And our thoughts often shift from healthy, rational choices to self-defeating beliefs and outlooks. We make statements that invariably worsen the present situation. We harbor unkind and exaggerated ideas that do not serve us. And our body tightens; the muscles in our neck and hands constrict involuntarily.
A simple synonym for “mindfulness” is awareness. Mindfulness invites us to become aware of what is happening to us, in the moment. It is gently focusing on the present moment over and over again. At times of high stress, mindfulness invites us to examine the three aspects of our being, as listed above. Getting past negative emotion and ultimately self-defeating ideas allows us to move forward in a better direction. I sometimes share this grisly homily with my clients:
“Few of us are murdered, but many of us commit suicide.”
Wow! What is that dark implication all about? By that, I simply suggest that most pain and sadness is self -inflicted. A perhaps careless remark made by a friend or family member might upset us. But it will not do lasting damage to a relationship if we choose to look past it: to forgive/forget the slight or absence of tact. The insensitive or disparaging remark might hurt. But it is only a “mortal wound” if we allow it to be that. Forgiveness is, ultimately, a gift that we extend to ourselves.
I remind my clients that my role, and a counselor’s job, is not that of an advisor. Even when clients (or friends) ask for advice, they are usually looking for affirmation and agreement. Instead, the role of a good counselor (or friend) is that of a “mirror holder.” We hold the mirror in such a way that our client (or our friend) may see himself/herself more clearly and from different angles or points of view. Ultimately, a counselor’s (and a good friend’s) job is to put ourselves “out of business.” That is, to guide clients to a better stage of self-direction.
Going back to The Karate Kid and Mr. Miyagi, the sensei’s job was to gently make his student more aware of himself. To employ mindfulness as the tool for self-understanding and improvement. Typical of movie melodrama, Daniel wins his final competition and earns the respect of his tormentors. In real life, we don’t always win. But the journey, as we employ mindfulness, is more about self -actualization than winning. It is, simply, about getting better. And that is the endlessly interesting and challenging activity of our lives.
But back to The Karate Kid and the life lessons of Mr. Miyagi. Just as Miyagi instructed his young student to look his opponent in the eye, mindfulness is a vehicle for seeing ourselves more clearly. Do you the courage to look yourself in the eye when you’re at the mirror?
The mind is a flexible mirror, adjust it, to see a better world. – Amit Ray