Our partners don’t always have to think like we think. That’s what makes life interesting- it would be boring to be married to yourself. In fact, that’s called being single.
Partnerships: Are you an Unmatched Pair?
Much of my time as a working professional counselor is devoted to couples. In the old days, this activity would have been referred to as “marriage counseling.” Today, it has other definitions and permutations. No matter. My readers understand what I mean, whatever the status of the two individuals: gay or straight.
The thrust of my work, therefore, is to assist the participants in exploring the best ways to benefit from their committed status. We humans seem designed to seek special relationships that transcend endeavors of mutual benefit, either via productive activities or enjoyable friendships. We seek a meaningful connection with one person: a special individual, in our eyes. An even casual study of history, or archeology for that matter, shows us that people have designed their adult lives around bonding with that “significant other.”
Marriage ceremonies are revealed over the millennia and across religious denominations. Terms like “forming a union” and “until death do us part” are common. Words like “partnership” and “bond” invariably appear. Weddings are always joyful and hopeful in their tone and spirit.
So why do divorce attorneys seem to be the only undefeated participants in the game of life and marriage? What’s happened to all that joy and optimism? To put a useful spin on this puzzling topic, let’s consider a very provocative word in the lexicon about relationships:
“Unmatched Pair”
I thought that the word “unmatched” has an ironic element to it. Sometimes, the term “unmatched” connotes excellence or being peerless. Shakespeare, Abraham Lincoln, or Tom Brady would be such examples in their respective fields of endeavor. In that vein, a best man, toasting the bride and groom, may refer to their newly coined union as “an unmatched couple.” Tom and Mary were meant for each other. We all applaud in agreement and with enthusiasm as we raise our glasses, acknowledging that they seem to be a perfect unmatched pair.
But there is another appropriate definition for “unmatched” as in the two socks in the bottom of our dresser drawer. What happened to the other striped, blue sock, and why can’t I find the missing white one?
All of us in committed relationships can ruefully relate to both definitions. “Unmatched” can describe the blessings that flow from having a partner who covers up for our flaws. It is having someone who can smooth our edges or shortcomings with their soothing touch. It is being blessed with their fire when we seem to be dormant or laconic. Conversely, “unmatched” can refer to wondering how many games can one man watch or how much time can one woman spend on Pinterest scouring decorating ideas?
Indeed, all of us in a relationship can identify with both definitions of the word “unmatched”? It is the somber reality of a meaningful relationship that has eased out of the exhilarating phase of “infatuation” and into the realistic chapters of a multi-faceted and successful life.
So, what is your partnership like? In what way is your relationship “unmatched.” If you are being honest (and have been together for a while) the answer is likely to be “both.” Are you an orphaned sweat sock or the discovered puzzle piece that completes the picture seamlessly? Being human, free will allows us to choose our preferred “unmatched” definition. Choose wisely, for both your sake and your partner’s.
A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even at moments when you don’t like each other.