In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. — Unknown
The science of proxemics can be described as the “science of distances.” It is related to the concept of “body language” (more formally known as kinesics) and speaks to the idea that how we relate to others has much to do with where we physically present ourselves as we speak with them. The acceptable distance between two people who are conversing has a lot to do with the nature of the relationship itself. For instance, we stand closer to those we love, perhaps even touching or holding hands. We are a little farther apart from acquaintances, business colleagues, and even farther from strangers. Different cultures also have different “ground rules” for appropriate conversational distances. If you’d like to verify this point, try standing a little closer to a co-worker and watch them become subtly uncomfortable! Notice as they slowly inch away! Or they may interpret your behavior in the wrong way (aggression? flirtation?), so be careful! None of us walks around with a ruler or yardstick in our hand; we just subconsciously understand the “laws” of these distances. We feel (and understand) when we are too close or too far from someone.
Interesting, perhaps, but what is the point? As I was teaching the topic of proxemics to a class recently, it occurred to me that we all operate under a pattern of “distance” as it relates to those around us. Where are you “standing” in relation to your loved ones? Your friends and work associates?
The poet, Rudyard Kipling suggests to us in his classic poem “If” the following:
“If all men count for you, but none too much…”
Kipling makes an excellent point here, particularly as it relates to relationships where we invest too much time and energy in attempting to impress or engage in some way. But his poetic message does not touch upon the equally important, “polar opposite” behavior concern. Who are we too distant from? Who do we profess to value while we simultaneously “short change” them with our time , energy, and love? Someone once observed that a dying person never lamented “I wished I’d spent more time at the office.” That fading speaker was telling us that he/she “stood too close” in importance to his job and perhaps too far from friends and family.
It is important for you to take an inventory of your time expenditure. Are you devoting the most energy on those who are dearest and, hopefully, closest to you? Or, are you expending most of your time and effort on career, colleagues and mere acquaintances?
Today’s homework is pretty obvious. Get out your metaphorical yardstick and start calculating some measurements.
Where do you stand?
“The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.”
“Worst thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” N. Sparks