Stan and Grace have been happily married for 50 years. On the morning of their Golden anniversary, Stan is performing the loving tradition of every Sunday morning. For as long as either of them can remember, Stan has made Sunday breakfast for the couple. As always, eggs, sausage, coffee, and toast are served on a tray in bed while grace reads the Sunday paper.
As she completes her breakfast, pauses briefly, then poses a question to her lifelong partner. “Stan, you know how much I love our little Sunday morning tradition. It is very sweet of you. But I never understood why you always serve me the heel of the bread with my toast. That’s so unlike you to be selfish.”
Stan looked crestfallen as he replies “I always gave you the heel because it was my favorite part of the loaf.”
I think you heard a collective “awwwww” from my readers (at least the female ones) if they read this familiar little story for the first time. It justifiably evokes a range of reactions, among them admiration for a devoted couple who are so close after 50 years. But I think this story has a message for all of us, certainly as it may relate to our personal relationships, but for all communication situations we may face daily.
Certainly, we wouldn’t expect Grace from our story to criticize or berate Stan for serving her the heel. But just imagine how many years of subtle irritation or disappointment could have been avoided with the simple question, “Honey is there a reason why I often get the heel of the bread with my toast?” The answer would have endeared him even more.
And Stan would have enjoyed years of heels!
How many times have we thought something like this: “He should know to take the trash out without being asked.” Or, “She should realize I like starch in my shirts.”
Wouldn’t a simple, “Thanks for grabbing the garbage, honey.” or “Please remember the starch, babe.” produce the desired outcome instead of a rhetorical and sarcastic query like, “Why can’t you ever just take the trash out without being asked?” or “How hard can it be to say ‘starch’ to the lady at the laundry?”
Think about how you communicate. What do the important people in your life hear? Not so much the words as the tone. Kind words are the manna of our relationship lives.
Just don’t be a heel!