As regular readers of this newsletter can attest, much of my writing is built around my basic concept of the “snowman.” As the description on the website explains, the metaphor of the snowman explains the theory that all of our behavioral decisions flow from a thought, belief, or idea we hold. Based upon our behavioral choices, feelings, either positive or negative, result from those actions. This is the essence of the “snowman theory.”
Much of my private practice involves working with clients involved with alcohol or other negative addictions. It is conventional thinking within the community of clinicians working with addictions that denial is a common phenomenon with such clients. While a client’s denial is certainly relevant to treatment, I believe that there is another factor that is important to understand in treating substance abusers and other addicts.
Most addicts’ recovery is delayed, or permanently derailed, by a thought or belief that is reminiscent of the top “ball” of the snowman. What is the idea that bedeviled and hamstrings so many addicts? Every addict gravitates toward this idea:
“I want to control (manage) my drinking (or using)”
On the surface, this goal seems reasonable. Basic statistics inform us that most adults drink, and most of them have no personal, career or legal problems related to their use. Managing one’s drinking or gambling seems eminently possible. This newsletter will not go into the various genetic or environmental reasons why some individuals are unable to function in the way that the majority seem able to do. To help clients understand their frustrating condition, I often use the common analogy of an allergy. Whether it is pollen, shellfish or dairy products, the universal solution to any allergy is avoiding the substance to which one is vulnerable. The goal, of course, is to give a client in need of abstinence and recovery a reason to quit rather than “manage” abusive patterns of behavior.
So if the old thought “I can manage my use.” proved ineffective, what should the new thought be, the new “T” on the top of the snowman? Simply this:
“For whatever reason, I’m a person who will thrive and succeed by avoiding and abstaining from _______________”
(Fill in the addiction.)
Once the client accepts this new “T,” recovery has begun.