We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.
– Martin Luther King
Contrary to what most people believe, therapists are not advisors. It is not the therapists’ job to tell our clients what to do. Instead, I suggest to both my clients that counselors are “professional mirror holders.” The skill of the clinician lies in his/her ability to allow those they help to see themselves from different “angles” or points of view as they move the metaphorical reflecting glass into different positions.
The fourth step of AA is as follows:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”
Once again, the wisdom of AA transcends the application to those who are struggling with addiction. Virtually all organized religion recognizes the value of repentance. In an earlier newsletter (Opposite of Honesty at snowmantherapy.com), we reviewed the soul-restoring nature of honesty: how truthfulness makes life smooth and comfortable.
And yet so many of us, too often, reject or avoid the acknowledged benefits of truthfulness. Why? The answer lies in the universal basis for flaw and error: fear. Fear causes all of us to make self-defeating choices. For example, why do applicants falsify their resume? Obviously, because they fear that their past accomplishments will not be sufficient to earn them the job they seek. Why do children lie about taking a pre-dinner cookie out of the jar? They fear the consequence of losing access to the X-Box or their playtime. Why does a student cheat on a test or plagiarize a paper? They suffer from anxiety or trepidation over declining grades and resultant diminishing academic or career opportunities. The prep student fears a rejection letter from the college of her choice. A college senior frets over the loss of attractive job opportunities.
And so it goes. Fear dictates dysfunction. But as the Fourth Step of AA suggests, the “fearless moral inventory” is an important step in healing and personal progress. As we’ve reminded our readers in previous newsletters, courage is not fearlessness; it is action in the face of fear.
Homework: I think you already know what it is. It’s time to look into that self-analytical looking glass. What might you find?
Life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage. – Anais Nin