The Shaping of our Lives
Twenty five years ago, Dr. Morris Massey produced and narrated a series of educational tapes which described the influence of certain cultural and historical events on any individual’s development. Massey referred to such a personal watershed occurrence as an SEE – Significant Emotional Event. SEEs were literally life-shaping, values-changing, events which dictate the course of our life decisions and choices.
Many years ago, my father-in –law Fred gave me some very sound advice relative to real estate investment. He recommended that his daughter and I purchase a home, but never own it “free and clear.” He explained that this suggestion was based upon income tax implications and the fact (at that time) that residences typically appreciated in value over the years. He pointed out that our house would go up in value at the same rate, whether we owned 10%, 50%, or 100% of it. (Yes, there once was a time when housing prices actually rose!) Over the years from the 1970s until the advent of the 21st century, Fred’s advice served my family well.
And yet, Fred owned his own home; he had no mortgage! Now why would a knowledgeable tax accountant not follow his own sound advice? Why did he make such an emotional, seemingly illogical financial decision that directly contradicted the professional guidance he extended to others? The answer goes back to Dr. Massey’s concept of a “Significant Emotional Event” in my father-in-law’s life. If you guessed, “Maybe the Great Depression affected him.” you would be correct. As a young boy, Fred saw some of his boyhood friends’ parents lose their homes to foreclosure. He watched sadly as his playmates’ parents loaded their possessions into their modest vehicles and pulled away forever. This sad memory stuck with him into his adult years as he vowed to never lose his home in the way that his friends’ parents had. Essentially, he was unable to follow the sound financial advice that he had imparted to his clients and family as a result.
What have been the SEEs in your life? How have those events shaped you? Looking back, has fear led you to make decisions that you knew weren’t correct, even as you made them? Fear is a strong motivator but often moves us in the wrong direction; the weak or ineffective direction. In my father-in-law’s case, depression-era memories probably only cost him some lost investment income by tying too many dollars in one place: his home. Other SEEs may keep us from pursuing a new, more promising career opportunity or hold us back from a move to another more attractive part of the country.
SEEs may keep us from fulfilling our potential. I imagine that some SEEs might inspire us to move in a more positive direction as well. In a future newsletter, I’ll speak to some positive SEE outcomes as well. But your homework today is simple: take a moment and reflect on the significant SEEs of your life. If you can see that yours have held you back from your dreams and goals, it is time to release them.
The power of negative SEEs only exists to the extent that we permit it.