Take Out A Dollar Bill
Last weekend a client related feelings of frustration over his inability to accomplish all of his goals since his last session. He explained that he was upset with himself when he had not accomplished, “crossed-off”, all the items on his “to do” list. This lament was in contrast with his past unhappiness over an inability to motivate himself due to chronic fatigue and other physical conditions. In fact, a major treatment goal for him was to become more productive with his time and to feel better about having done so. Still, his angst over unfulfilled expectations manifested itself. Since my client is an intelligent individual who is capable of insight and abstract reasoning, I explained to him the concept of dialectical thought. Simply stated, dialectical thinking involves gaining an understanding of the wisdom that can be drawn from seemingly contradictory statements. For example, I often suggest to clients that being arrested for driving while intoxicated may be a good thing, provided the drinker uses this event as a catalyst for change. Such an embarrassing, expensive and troubling arrest may also become the first step toward a healthier, safer, and less threatening pattern of behavior.
So what is the dialectical concept that I shared with my anxious client? Simply this: that it is important for all of us to recognize that we must continue to strive to achieve goals while also allowing ourselves some satisfaction from the accomplishments we do attain. We must move forward, toward our goals, even as we derive some contentment with what we possess at the moment.
OK, but what does this have to do with the title of this essay? Indulge me momentarily. Take out a dollar bill and look at the picture on it. The portrait is, of course, of George Washington. Observe it closely. Put aside the unfashionable haircut. Notice his expression. It looks a little strange, doesn’t it? Many of us may incorrectly assume that George’s tight-lipped visage was due to wooden teeth. Actually, our first President’s cautious expression was the result of a dental apparatus that would literally spring out of his mouth if he stretched open his jaws too widely! How would any of us like to live like that? Try to eat that way? I imagine that this limitation must have been a constant source of discomfort and potential embarrassment for our first leader.
So how did this great man cope? How did he manage the stress of enormous responsibility and leadership while simultaneously struggling with his challenging disability? Perhaps the answer lies in our earlier discussed concept of dialectical thinking. Certainly President Washington had tremendous goals and wishes for his fledging country. As is true for us all, some of his goals went unaccomplished, but he moved toward hem nevertheless. But in the meantime, he also accepted his personal challenges with eating with presumed grace and resignation.
Homework: Think about what you hope to accomplish. Write down your most compelling (and attainable) goals. Think about and catalogue the requisite steps to achieve them.
Next, consider your limitations. We all have them. If they are truly a part of who you are, accept them. At six feet with a damaged heel, and sixty plus years of age, my fantasies of a career as a power forward in the NBA are unlikely to be fulfilled. But I have so much more left to accomplish and am so appreciative of my life as it is today.
Sort out both for yourself. The next time you handle a dollar bill, remember George Washington’s challenges and accomplishments.
As Tennyson so wisely stated, “A man’s reach must exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?