As we continue in our travels through the 12 Steps of AA, thus far we have essentially been asked to do two things. Looking into our metaphorical mirror, we have first taken a moral inventory. Second, we have shared our shortcomings with another person. Both steps were not easy and, certainly, we often squirmed during the looking and the sharing. Today’s step, the eighth, is clearly a call to action:
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
It is worthy of note that most organized religions include such a step as part of their liturgy. Christians go to some form of confession. Those of the Jewish faith engage in a similar period of self-reflection pre Rosh Hashana. While the emphasis of the rites involves admitting wrongs, both faiths also place an expectation for change. The penitent is mandated to change; not just admit wrongdoing. The eighth step moves us into a healthier sphere by re-balancing the scale that has tipped toward harm and pain for others. (Reminder: righting past wrongs is only recommended if it causes no harm to the person with whom we need to make amends.)
It could be said that we are all addicted to something. The theorist, William Glasser, suggests that addiction is a neutral term, that there are positive addictions as well as negative ones. Be it with a substance or a negative pattern of conduct, at one time or another most of us have veered off course with some self-defeating addictive pattern. Healthy and happy individuals are addicted to, need to, engage in the positive behaviors of loving, achieving, enjoying, and disciplining ourselves toward right action. As you consider this challenging step of planning amends, grant yourself a pat on the back for engaging in this self-healing decision.
So Glasser would concur with Dr. Bob and Bill W: making amends fits his definition of healthy living – a positive addiction. In fact, the time we spend figuring with whom and how to rectify past offenses can be both frightening and positively exhilarating. Just as alcohol or addictive gambling are draining behaviors, righting wrongs clears our conscience and frees us to move forward.