Imagine that you are in an arcade. Or maybe you are just watching a child, or even a grandchild, playing the latest version of Mario Brothers or Grand Theft Auto. They have either invested another quarter, or perhaps several dollars, to access this game. They are very proficient and skillful, at maneuvering their characters through the mazes and obstacles that the game presents. Maybe you grudgingly admire their quick reactions to the nuances of these electronic puzzles. You know that you could not equal their outcomes.
But look more closely. Take your eyes off the game and instead focus on the players. What do you see? Certainly, we observe concentration. There is little space for anything else in their mind and senses than the game itself. Ironically, casual and infrequent gamers may be smiling, even as their last character gets eaten, blown up, of falls prey to some monster. But watch the best players; the ones generating the highest scores. At the arcade, what happens to the visage of the player when the game is finally over as the last character is defeated? A grimace? A scowl? And a quick reach into the pocket for another quarter to begin the process anew?
What we may have just witnessed is addictive behavior. While casual players may appear to be enjoying the harmless diversion, the “addicted” players appear driven. They seek progressively higher scores, even as those heightened results do not appear to provide more pleasure or enjoyment. In my over thirty years in working with addictive behavior, one of my understandings is that divergent addictions have far more in common with each other than they differ. The pattern of addictive drinking, drugging, gambling, shopping, compulsive eating and, yes, even video gaming, follow similar trajectories. Their shared characteristics are as follows:
1. Addictions begin as elective behavior, but become increasingly compulsive.
2. All addictions occupy increasing amounts of time, money, and energy
3. Addictions start as rather harmless pastimes and progress into life -harming, all consuming activities.
4. Addictions begin as a source of pleasure and devolve into the addict’s ?primary cause for pain, shame, and self-loathing.
In today’s newsletter, we are considering the third of Dr. William Glasser’s four Positive Addictions : Having Fun!
Readers may recall our previous two newsletters which addressed Glasser’s 1.Giving and receiving love; and 2. Gaining worth and recognition. His third positive addiction, having fun, has a refreshingly non-psychological ring to it. And who doesn’t like having fun? And how can having fun ever possibly morph into a negative addiction?
Well, let’s consider the video game example above. Is it possible that the young man who keeps going through his roll of quarters has been swapping studying time for arcade time? Might Mario Brothers gaming be taking up homework time? Might report grades document declining academic performance as games scores soar? Just as the adult gamblers or alcoholics invest increasing amounts of time and cash on their habit at the expense of those close to them, the young addict may be shifting priorities incrementally from positive to negative ones. Re-focusing on adult addictions, how much “fun” is the workman having when he is forced to admit to his spouse that he blew half of his paycheck at the local bar, buying drinks for veritable strangers? Or losing that amount at a Texas Hold ‘em table at the casino, staying longer than he planned, as he tried to “get even” while digging the “debt hole” deeper with each foolish wager?
So what is the key determinant between having fun and a negative addiction? Simply put: it is MODERATION. Certainly, for those physiologically prone to substance abuse, abstinence is required. And that same principle applies to other addictions. Once again, the measuring stick defining addiction versus social use is one’s ability to have fun without merging into addictive conduct.
Homework: Consider your relationship with any behavior which, in its extreme form, could be described as a negative addiction. Is it truly a source of pleasure and fun for you, or has it become a source of pain and shame? Have attempts at moderation and control failed in the past?
I think my readers know what the next step should be. Remove the source of pain and seek those enjoyments that do not generate the deteriorating side effects of personal harm and relationship destruction.
You can do it.