Are you a Scrooge or a spendthrift? Do you vacillate or act impulsively? Do you procrastinate or fret prematurely over distant obligations or tasks (Christmas shop in July?)
Have you ever missed out on an investment opportunity because of fear and the fact that you’re pretty conservative financially? Conversely, is there an inexorable pull toward the lotto machine at the supermarket when the lottery payoff bulges to over 100 million? Do you dread the holidays because you recognize your personal inclination to sample every tray of Christmas cookies that you pass within arm’s reach? Or rather, do you bemoan the fact that you won’t allow yourself to even have one despite the fear that you may have an eating disorder? Will you regret that you didn’t buy that vacation home or re-finance your mortgage when the prices and rates start to climb again?
Most of us readily can identify with one more of those questions. Each query listed above touches upon some personal tendency we have. Are you financially responsible but, perhaps, to a fault? Or a collector and user of more plastic credit cards than would be found in a pinochle deck? Whatever your personal tendency may be, what we do know is that we all have them.
At the conclusion of my book, Dump the Neanderthal and Choose Our Prime Mate, I discuss the importance of going against one’s tendencies. While my message in the book has a specific application for women who seem to be drawn to ill-matched partners, I believe that the concept of resisting one’s tendencies has universal application; that it speaks to both men and women.
First of all, let’s understand that we all have two kinds of tendencies: good ones and bad ones. Bad tendencies are easy to identify and recognize. They may be difficult to resist or overcome, but we have no problem in seeing them for what they are. For example, one of my bad tendencies is McDonald’s French fries. I never confuse them with health food. I may succumb to them occasionally, but it isn’t for lack of clarity about their dubious nutritional value. Good tendencies are trickier to manage because they come from an essentially positive status. Being thrifty and avoiding debt is certainly a good tendency. (Are you listening, politicians?) But saving one’s money in a mattress is hardly sound financial policy. Women and mothers who value and nurture their children and spouses exhibit classically positive feminine traits, but may be doing so at the expense of their own well being, physically, socially or otherwise. Generous volunteers selflessly give of their time, energy and money, but may be overlooking their personal needs in the process.
So where do we go from here? As stated earlier, you know what needs to be done with your bad tendencies. Keep your hands in your pockets while cruising past the baklava pan. Analyzing and adjusting your good tendencies requires a little more thought and introspection. Take the time over this holiday season to consider the good qualities you possess that may be inadvertently diverting you from a more fulfilling and rewarding life.
Why not craft a New Year’s resolution around modifying one of your good tendencies, rather than making another pledge to avoid one of your bad tendencies. (How did last year’s resolution to avoid chocolate work out for you?) As you adjust one of your good tendencies, realize the benefit that you will accrue from a more balanced and satisfying life for you and those around you.