Love: A Competition
Like most men, I grew up with an appetite for competition. From Little League baseball to high school sports, I became accustomed to good-natured striving for success. As a young teacher, I became involved in coaching. This competition took on more importance, as it became a vehicle for me for better employment and financial stability for my new family. Later, after leaving coaching, competition took the form of trying to generate greater success in the business I was managing. Childhood lessons found application in the adult world.
This background is a common one for males. Simply stated, we grow up seeking to win. As we apply this to our personal lives, this takes the form of winning the heart of the object of our affections. Our common expressions regarding love relationships explain and define the process as we engaged in it. We seek to “win love.” We hope to “win the heart” of another.
If we parse these expressions carefully, we see that the goal emphasizes “receiving” rather than “giving.” We tend to be focused on what we are going to get rather than what we are going to give. We suffer when someone doesn’t love us, rather than examining whether or not the unsatisfying outcome is due to our own shortcomings. We may weep, “Why doesn’t she (he) love me?” rather than questioning, “What should I be doing to be a better lover?”
There is an irony in this for former sportsmen and women. Most athletes look to themselves for success or failure. Players and coaches typically make statements such as, “We played well.” or “We messed up.” They rarely indicate, “The other team just did better than we did. We played well, but they played better.” No, we speak and think as though we are the only variable. This pattern of thought correctly placed the focus on our efforts which, of course, is the only thing an individual or team can control. We don’t expect others to let us win; we seek to achieve success based upon our own efforts only.
I would suggest that we need to apply that same train of thought to our personal relationships. Instead of hoping for love, perhaps we should concentrate on becoming better lovers.
With that in mind, let me suggest a new form of competition; a love competition. In this challenging contest, the goal is to be a better lover than our partner. As with any game or contest, the best outcomes are produced when both participants are trying their best. In any marriage or other love relationship, both parties should endeavor to please their mate, to be supportive and considerate, and to treat that person as the most important part of our life.
Can you “out-love” your mate? Would it make a wonderful life for you if she (he) were trying to do the same? I believe so. Would mutual respect, appreciation, and admiration flow from this unlikely, amorous competition?
Think of all the strategies you can employ to win this competition. Then, start executing your “game plan.” I know you will like the outcome of this game – win or lose.