“Every sunrise is an invitation for us to arise and brighten someone’s day.” ? Richelle E. Goodrich
What is your low grade?
The Psychiatrist and counseling theorist, Dr. William Glasser, tells us that all happy and successful individuals have certain behavioral needs. He refers to these needs as “positive addictions.” While most of us attach negative connotations to the term “addiction,” Glasser sees “addictions” as a neutral word. Glasser elaborates that all of us are addicted to something. Negatively addicted individuals are strung out on drugs, gambling, alcohol and unhealthy eating habits. “Positively addicted” persons need certain healthy and rewarding behavioral patterns. Over the next few weeks, we will be reviewing Glasser’s four positive addictions and their relevance for all of us.
When teaching Glasser’s concepts with my graduate students, I invite them to engage in an activity that all students, past or present, would relish. It is the opportunity to grade your own report card. I invite my readers to grade themselves as I dictate the “subjects” to be graded. The first subject to be evaluated, and the first of Glasser’s positive addictions, is labeled
Giving and Receiving Love
Before you reach for your grading pencil, however, allow me to elaborate on the grading system. I am asking you to divide Glasser’s first item into two very different patterns of behavior. So here are the two subjects you are to grade:
1. Giving love. Consider this in its broadest context. How helpful are you with others? Do you give of your time when others need it? Are you open and gracious in your support of family, friends, as well as your partner? Give yourself a grade as a “giver of love.” Plusses and minuses are allowed, i.e., A- or B+.
2. Receiving love. This is the polar opposite of #1. Here you are grading your willingness to reach out to others; to accept the love of others via their assistance and support. Do you chaff at the idea of asking others for assistance when you are in need? Are you as willing to receive love as you are to extend it? As with subject #1, include plusses and minuses in your grade for #2.
Now to the important part. Which is your lower grade? It is rare that the two grades are the same. The exact grades are less important than their relationship to each other. If your first grade is lower than the second, it’s time to get outside yourself; to become more helpful and giving to others.
But many of us scored the opposite. We had a higher grade for the “giving” than the “receiving.” And perhaps we are silently proud of our willingness to help others. But consider this: when we demure when others try to help us with some issue or dilemma, we unintentionally cheat them of the chance to feel good about themselves by helping us. Just as we enjoy the feeling we get when we offer support and love to others, our task is to look for opportunities to receive from those who care for us.
Just as our parents probably did when we were kids as they reviewed our report card, we must improve on our low grade. Our goal should be to have those two grades, in giving and receiving love, as even and balanced as possible.
Now get to your homework!
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.” ? Brené Brown