“The ultimate aim of Karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the character of its participants.” ~ Gichin Funakoshi
As any grandparent can attest, watching our second generation offspring grow, learn, and accomplish goals is a treat. One of our simple joys is to watch our six-year-old grandson go through his paces at his karate class. While he is not yet shattering bricks or boards with fearsome chops, he is learning the importance of discipline and setting goals. His sensei tests him periodically, and he is rewarded with another colored belt. When he began, he wore a white belt; but over the past 18 months or so, he has earned a rainbow of colors, each representing a new level of accomplishment and understanding. As even the least knowledgeable and casual observer of karate can verify, the ultimate goal is to become a black belt.
What I didn’t realize until young Jackson got involved was that there is more than simply becoming a black belt. There are second degree black belts, third degree black belts, and so on. Apparently, the advancement of knowledge and skill in the arena of karate is endless and can be a lifelong pursuit.
If that seems a little disconcerting to you, it shouldn’t. As I share on my website, the poet Homer tells us, “The journey is the thing.” Think about it. Once you grasp that concept, life’s challenges will switch from being frustrating to becoming an endlessly captivating process.
But what do pink belts have to do with any of this? If my readers will forgive a fractured analogy, it seems to me that karate has a lot in common with our love relationships. And I am using the term “love” in the broadest contexts here, be it romantic, brotherly, familial, or simply humane. While karate invites us to progress in our understanding of self discipline and defense, we all need to progress in our lives as “lovers.”
Are you selfish or selfless when it comes to loving? How supportive of a friend are you? Do you give a wave of acknowledgment when a courteous driver lets you in at some traffic backup? Do you walk the extra mile with a troubled sibling? And do you let her help you when you need it? (Remember, good lovers allow others to feel good about themselves, just as we do when we help others.) Do you bite your tongue before you utter a humorous remark that is aimed at a friend or co-worker’s expense? (Tip: tell the same story at your expense, and nobody gets hurt!).
Karate students also go to competitions. I’m inviting my readers to compete as well when it comes to love. In this case, I’m mostly referring to significant love relationships with our spouses and partners. In a great love relationship, both partners should be “competing” to outperform their partners with creative and considerate expressions of caring. (Remember that a skillful lover accepts love in many forms, as that builds the relationship with their partner as well). In a competition of this kind, there are truly no losers.
Becoming a better lover takes thought, discipline and practice. Just like karate. What color belt are you wearing? If you are a white belt, you are either an infant or you haven’t learned much about caring, support and consideration yet. But in our discipline of love, the ultimate goal isn’t black – it is pink. Great lovers wear the pink of affection, tolerance, and the recognition of worth. Those we love should be worthy of it, and we should be reinforcing their worthiness with our own actions and expressions. Daily.
But as with karate, we never get there; we are always trying to become more proficient lovers. Can we earn that second-degree pink belt by finding new worthy targets for our love and support? If you think you have done all you can for others, look around again. You are missing someone or something you can do for those who need and deserve your special contribution of love.
Homework: It’s obvious isn’t it? Earn your next belt.
“No matter how you may excel in the art of Karate and in your scholastic
endeavors, nothing is more important than your behavior and
your humanity as observed in daily life.” Taijunsoku