Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
While recently on vacation, I had the opportunity to travel with a new acquaintance. Touring through the State of Alaska, my wife, Anita, and I daily shared our experiences with our new friend over the span of two weeks. As we discussed the events of the day each evening, we agreed that our travelling companion was, indeed, a “very nice man.”
Nice? I think my ninth grade composition teacher would be wincing as he read the last paragraph. My wife and I, both former English teachers, would be circling the word “nice” with our red pencils should a young essayist use that weak adjective. Were Anita and I “damning” our new friend with “faint praise” as we shared our initial impressions of this man?
With due respect to the writing instructors of America, I don’t think so. In fact, this use of the word “nice” to describe a new person in one’s life may be appropriate. Why? Because a fundamental task at the beginning of a relationship be it with a new neighbor, co-worker, or club member, is to establish oneself as a person of civility and agreeableness. As our relationship with our new acquaintance evolves, we will come to have a more specific view of the new person in our life. Later, the entire dictionary of adjectival descriptors will come available to us. We can label that person as kind or selfish; conservative or liberal; gregarious or contemplative; and so on. But in the early stages of any relationship, being seen as simply “nice” isn’t a bad goal to seek or achieve.
A practical application of this principle was demonstrated by another friend, this one a former colleague of many years. While he had a very stressful job and a tendency to anger that he managed to control, he often referenced the following quote:
It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
This dictum served my old friend well throughout his demanding career and earned him the respect of those he served, no matter how contentious or pressured the situation.
So what’s to be learned here? As we look into our metaphorical mirror for self-understanding, what do we see? How do our new acquaintances view us? Are we bombasts or milquetoasts? Engaging or withdrawn? Distant or overpowering? Impressive or seeking to impress? Eventually, those around us will know who we are. But at first, perhaps, we can lay a foundation for a good relationship with others simply by being “nice.”
Should our new friend happen to read this, I would hope that he would see this newsletter as a compliment rather than simply a weak, tasteless descriptor of a new acquaintance.
Anita and I look forward to getting to know that “nice man” we met in Alaska even better. Will others feel the same after their first few encounters with us?
Try being nice. It’s a good start. You have plenty of time to prove yourself rude, or obnoxious or otherwise!
Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.