People may take a job for more money, but they often leave it for more recognition.Bob Nelson –
Last week, we looked at the first of Dr. Glasser’s four “positive addictions.” In our discussion of “Giving and Receiving Love” we examined the near universal tendency for all of us to favor one love-related behavior or the other. That is, to lean toward giving love rather than receiving, or the reverse. I believe that we will see a similar pattern emerge as we examine the second “positive addiction.”
Gaining Worth and Recognition
As with our discussion of love-related behaviors, there are two distinct elements to this positive addiction. The first involves achieving something: accomplishing one of our goals. This may involve attaining a college degree, earning a bonus or meriting a promotion. While the goal is to accomplish some worthy goal, there is also much to enjoy through the process of such efforts. The journey is as pleasurable as the attainment of the goal for those individuals. Harkening back to our examination of the first “positive addiction, give yourself a grade as a hard worker; a person who sets goals and can achieve them.
The other side of this positive addiction, the acceptance of recognition for our achievements, is too often the sticking point for many accomplished, but camera- shy, hard workers. While such individuals are generous with their praise and kudos for the efforts of others, they avoid the limelight when they have achieved some goal. As with our realization that it was just as important to receive love, as it is to offer it when mastering the first positive addiction, we must come to appreciate that accepting acknowledgment must become part of our cultivating another positive addiction.
If this may seem unimportant, we can surmise, “The main thing is getting the job done, the goal achieved. Taking a bow doesn’t really matter.” Consider this. Imagine that a student who is also a parent has earned a degree. The temptation for a high achiever/low accepter of acknowledgment is to have their diploma mailed to them. But what would the effect of mom or dad walking across the stage, garbed in cap and gown, be on their children in attendance? Would that make a positive statement to their young ones about the importance and value of education? I believe so.
And consider this final example: Alcoholics Anonymous rewards the efforts of its members with tokens, which commemorate their length of sobriety: a month, six months, a year, or ten years. But how do those who have achieved a memorable milestone receive them? By mail? In an envelop after a meeting? No. The chair of the AA meeting reports the accomplishment. The recipient must come forward to accept his/her token, while fellow members applaud. At some meetings, the room bellows, “How did you do it?” and the new token-holder shares his/her steps of success in recovery. Past addictive behaviors have often led to shame and silence, so AA recognizes the need for pride and the description of the steps toward sobriety at moments of success and overcoming.
Homework: If you are falling short of your goals, it’s time to redouble your effort. But if your “short suit” is accepting recognition, then comb your hair, put on a nice outfit and smile as others tip their hats in your direction!
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Ewing