Shakespeare wrote:
All the world’s a stage,
?And all the men and women merely players;
?They have their exits and their entrances,
?And one man in his time plays many parts….
A variation of this concept has been postulated by contemporary psychology through the theories laid out in Transactional Analysis. One of the popular terms of the theory is “scripting.” Scripting refers to the idea that our personality is created as a result of messages we receive during both our formative years and later in life as well.
As children, we have little choice regarding the script messages we receive. Statements such as, “You’re lazy” or “You’re stupid” can be incorporated into a child’s identity. It requires a conscious effort to overcome them, and counseling can help in reversing these tainting messages once we have reached the age, maturity, and capacity for insight to do so.
So far, we have been discussing the harmful intonations that may be visited on children by critical adults. But can adults be vulnerable to script messages as well? Even worse, is it possible that we are actually negatively scripting ourselves?
One of the more common concerns often lamented by counselors is that their client seems to be “rehearsing their problem.” This speaks to a client’s tendency to repeat the same complaint about their spouse, boss, or child. Or themselves. They bring basically the same concerns to each session, seemingly preferring to re-play a narrative of their problem while simultaneously resisting moving toward any strategy or solution to their issue. It almost suggests that such clients are trying to perfect the role of an unhappy partner, disgruntled employee, or frustrated parent by “reading the lines” of such a character from an imaginary play or drama.
Do we really wish to “play that part” in our daily lives? If we do not seek to be unhappy or frustrated, then perhaps it is time to move away from the actions and dialogue that conveys that “role.”
If a person repeatedly tells himself, “I hate my job,” or “I wish my partner were different,” without taking any action to improve or alter their plight, then s/he is simply rehearsing the role of a dissatisfied partner, a miserable employee, or a disappointed parent.
In a real theatrical production, the performers must either read the lines of the character they are portraying or quit the play. In real life, we have the third, desirable option of “re-writing our script.” But before we can do this re-writing, we must first cease to rehearse our problem by repeating the same thoughts and articulations.
If you wish to start “playing the part” of a happy and successful person, try speaking (and thinking) the lines of a contented and assertive person.