We come into this world head first and go out feet first; in between, it is all a matter of balance.?- Paul Boese
In 1933, James Hilton wrote the blockbuster best seller of its time, Lost Horizon. It told the story of American and English survivors from a plane crash in the Himalayan mountains of Tibet who happen upon the mythical city of Shangri- La. While stranded there, the Americans learn much about the culture and philosophy of the peaceful inhabitants whose calm demeanor and serene temperament posed a stark contrast to the more aggressive and contentious Western values. The guests are taught that the key to their hosts’ happiness and contentment is found in the principle of moderation.
“If I could put it into a very few words, dear sir, I should say that our prevalent belief is in moderation. We inculcate the virtue of avoiding excesses of all kinds—even including, if you will pardon the paradox, excess of virtue itself.” In recalling the story, it occurred to me that an appropriate synonym for moderation was the perhaps more westernized concept of balance. The psychologist and European Neo-Freudian, Alfred Adler, informs us that the key to living a functional and rewarding life is achieved through the balanced fulfillment of three core “life tasks” – love, friendship, and occupation. Adler relates that we are social beings by our nature, that we seek an intimate connection with one another, and that we instinctively endeavor to be involved in meaningful work or contribution of some kind.
I had no problem in accepting the wisdom of both the Eastern concept of moderation and the Western notion of balance, but a vexing dilemma seems to emerge as I considered my own life and pondered the lives of others. Abraham Maslow asserts that we all seek to self-actualize while the feminist dictum of the late twentieth century asserted that women “can have it all.”
But is either really possible? As I consider famous men and women of accomplishment, those who have seemingly achieved much in Adler’s life task of “occupation” seem to be individuals also apparently who have far less successful personal lives. The bios of the rich and famous are too often littered with stories of divorce, arrests, relapses, spoiled and dysfunctional children, and more rivals than friends. Has their high accomplishment in one of Adler’s life tasks (occupation) taken a toll on their personal and social life?
Once again, where is the balance; the moderation? Sadly, I continue to struggle with finding an example of the true “superman” or “superwoman” – the individual who possesses a metaphorical “10” in all of Adler’s tasks of work, intimacy and camaraderie. I welcome input from my readers who are invited to submit names of such superstars of balanced accomplishment.
Perhaps those names are largely unknown to us because they have actually accomplished the goal of balance. Not famous perhaps, but accomplished in some field, loved by their partner, and valued by a tight circle of friends. Perhaps they are the invisible “superstars” of our world. For those wise individuals, happiness, contentment, and a sense of contribution on some more humble level is enough.
Homework: How balanced are you? In the card game of life, what is your long suit? Your short suit? What are you investing perhaps too much time and energy in, even as you neglect another important task of life.
Perhaps the residents of Shangri-La, hidden away and largely unknown to the rest of the world, knew something that more achievement and fame-driven persons did not: real joy and happiness is a matter of simple balance and moderation.
“Here’s a nice image for a life in balance,” she said. “You’re juggling these four balls that you’ve named work, family, friends, spirit. Now, work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it bounces back. The other balls are made of glass. I’ve dropped a few of those glass balls in my day. Sometimes they chip, sometimes they shatter to pieces.”
– James Patterson, Roses are Red