“Everything needs a mirror to see what to change and what to love in itself, even a rock or a duck, everything!” –Mehmet Murat Ildan
One of the common metaphors I use for describing my efforts as a counselor is that of being a “professional mirror holder.” We serve our clients by helping them see themselves clearly in terms of their thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. But I suggest to my students and clients alike that we all must periodically “turn the mirror around” and take a close look at ourselves. During our discussion of the fourth step (Source of All Dysfunction at snowmantherapy.com), we considered the taking of a fearless moral inventory. The sixth step, shown below, asserts the need to make a decision for change.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
Change for any of us involves a three-stage process. Stage one involves looking into that mirror. Stage two represents a decision to change and the formulation of a plan. The third stage, to be discussed in future newsletters, requires following through on the adjustment of one’s thoughts and actions.
As with previous reviews of the AA steps, an understanding or a decision concerning the word “god” is called for. For some, the involvement of God implies His/Her active intervention in our lives. For others, it suggests our willingness to tap into our spiritual side; that “inner voice” that speaks the truth to us and cautions us to disregard the inner messages of pride, envy or revenge. No matter how we interpret the divinity, essentially, it is our interior call to right thinking as best we can ascertain it.
Following the directive of the fourth step (“Source of All Dysfunction” newsletter), we have taken stock of our past errors. Today’s step simply demands a commitment for change; a moving away from past ideas that have spawned harmful or self-defeating behavior. An untruthful person knows whom his lies have harmed. Now he must decide upon another course of action. We have spoken about the core principle of honesty as it relates to the AA steps. While many readers are not facing a substance addiction, it could be said that we all would benefit from moving away from (recovering from) some behavior or pattern of thought. Today’s step asks us to move forward with both amends and an adjustment of future thoughts and resulting conduct.
We have looked into our personal mirror already. Now we are to look through the window of our existence to see what our present and future life can be. We build a happy, satisfying and, most of all, guilt-free, life “one day at a time.”
Did you look into that mirror and see something you’d like to commit to changing today? Next week, we will discuss how to begin that process.
“The longer I do my job … the more I realize that humans lack good mirrors. It’s so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.”