One Step at a Time?
Two newsletters back, I wrote about the concept of honesty, but I referenced the support group, Alcoholics Anonymous, as an excellent example of an entity that is based upon truthfulness. Over the next few weeks, I will be writing about the fundamental soundness of the concepts addressed in the founding principles of that worldwide organization.
If any of you are about to “sign off” because alcohol is not an issue in your life, hang on! The following messages will have relevance to a wide, general audience: not just those recovering from a drinking problem. But let’s begin by taking a look at what we are talking about by reviewing the first step.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives have become unmanageable
I should say at this point that I am not a recovering alcoholic, although many of the individuals that I am acquainted with are. Moreover, I have learned and seen that those in recovery are among the happiest, most trustworthy, and stable people I know. But again, most of my readers do not struggle with that addiction. So let’s set aside the word “alcohol” from our examination of the concept expressed above in the 1st Step. Instead, let’s focus on two key words found in the Step: unmanageable and powerless. Recognizing that we are all a “work in progress,” it shouldn’t be difficult to look inside and identify some element of our persona over which we struggle. What are our negative tendencies (or even positive ones) that we have trouble managing? Is it a bad temper? A tendency to be critical? Perhaps an inability to say “no” when asked to support some worthy cause or social invitation? Is it a substance unrelated to alcohol (food) or behavior (gambling, shopping or gossip)? Whatever you come up with, accept that we all should be on the road to self-improvement or, at the very least, start trying to find a map for the beginning of that journey. If you can find nothing about yourself that would benefit from a little tweaking, it’s time to found your own church, apply for sainthood, or ask those close to you for some input. They will be happy and willing to point out some “tweak-worthy” aspects of your being.
The concept of powerlessness is much trickier to grasp or understand for many of us. The fundamental irony of the First Step is often encapsulated by this train of thought: How can I gain some control or power over something by admitting that I’m powerless over something? Good question! A client who had struggled successfully with a serious weight problem once provided me with a useful example. She shared:
People often say that those trying to get a handle on their eating habits face the reality that, unlike the drinker, drugger, or gambler, the overeater cannot abstain totally from their addiction. The other three can quit and abstain, but we all must eat. True, but not true. Every overeater has no trouble in identifying his/her “problem foods.” Maybe it’s McDonalds fast food, or chocolate, or candy, or chips. We know our area of vulnerability. For me, it was cake and other pastries. I loved to bake. Cake was my favorite. For years, I would try to manage my intake of cake. I depended on willpower to keep me from eating half (or all) of the cake I’d baked. Like an alcoholic who doesn’t get drunk every time, but can’t predict whether they will become bombed or not at the party, I never knew if tonight would be a “one slice of cake” night or a “eat the whole thing” night. Eventually, I decided that I was “powerless” over cake: that if I made one, there was always the distinct possibility that I would overindulge with it. And then I’d feel weak and guilty, and ashamed. Once I made that decision for abstinence (from cake) rather than repeated attempts at control, I began to get a handle on my eating.
When we accept that we are “powerless” over gravity, that we lack the ability to fly without the benefit of some mechanical device, we live safer lives. Jumping off a skyscraper because we wish to fly like birds is recognized as a self-defeating (and fatal!) exercise.
So what is your personal tendency? What is unmanageable in your life that your ego (or perhaps genetically influenced characteristics) has led to continued failure and disappointment? What should you come to accept in order to gain control over or influence?
In later newsletters flowing from the 12 Steps, we will be exploring the notion of taking a personal inventory. But let’s start that process today through a basic review of our personal areas of weakness that are needed targets for adjustment. You’ll ultimately enjoy the exercise and appreciate the outcome.
Intro: What we learn from a situation determines whether we become more powerful or powerless. – Blaine Lee
Concluding: When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless; but when you take action, you feel a sense of hope that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.