Behavior is the mirror in which people reflect their values. Goethe
My wife, Anita, is a woman of many talents, skills, and interests. But more than anything, she loves and promotes reading. In designing our new home, Anita decided to name each room of the house after a notable and honorable literary character. So Jane Eyre, Ma Joad, Atticus Finch, and Huck Finn, among others, are recognized and a quote from each book is to be found on a wall in “their” room. In the “Huck Finn” room, the quote “All right then, I’ll go to hell.” appears on a beam in the den.
For those whose memory of reading Huckleberry Finn in high school has dimmed, this seemingly offensive remark by Huck is not what it seems. Far from being a callous remark by a callow youth, it actually reflects Huck’s depth of character, despite his lack of education. The real context of the quote demonstrates Huck’s commitment and fidelity to his black friend, Jim. Since Jim is a slave, Huck is warned by his Aunt Polly that aiding in his escape would not only be a crime, but also a sin. As Huck weighs the effect of betraying Jim against the threat of eternal damnation, he decides that hell was more acceptable than abandoning his friend.
So Jane Eyre defends her virtue, Atticus Finch defends an unjustly accused black man in the post Civil War South, and Ma Joad defends and sustains her beleaguered family as they escape the ravages of the Dust Bowl. Two women; two men. Two mature adults and two young people. What do these four fictional characters have in common? They each have a commitment to a value system that allowed each to proceed courageously in the face of resistance and ridicule.
In working with clients, I often ask them, as “homework,” to make a list of four or five key ideas or beliefs that dictates their behavior. Essentially, I am asking them to examine how their personal value system translates into their operative thoughts and resulting actions. If, for example, a client asserts the importance of family, it would be reasonable to discuss how much time and attention they invest with their children, siblings or parents. If physical health and fitness is expressed as a value, a consideration of their eating habits exercise patterns is an appropriate topic to pursue. (This is the essence of the “snowman” metaphor and counseling approach.)
For example, by risking “going to hell” Huck reflects the personal value of loyalty. Atticus’ tolerance of the scorn of many in his community shows his value for the dignity and worth of all men, irrespective of color. Ma Joad treasured family above all and tried with every fiber of her being to keep her family together despite the ravages wrought on them by poverty and the depression. And Jane Eyre refused to engage in a relationship with a man who had made a commitment to another, despite the fact that his wife was ravaged by mental illness. Loyalty, honor, family and commitment are the values held in highest esteem by these characters; their behaviors masterfully demonstrated to the reader how to live according to one’s values.
Great literature examines the human condition and, in the examples proffered above, enables us to examine and consider our own values. What are your four or five key beliefs that reflect your personal values? Do your daily behaviors and actions match with the values you identified, just a we watched Huck Finn, Atticus Finch, Ma Joad and Jane Eyre’s behaviors reflect their personal value system?
If not, what changes need to be made?
If your behaviors are not matching with your stated value system, what needs to change? Better think about it. Children grow up and move away. BE sure your behavior is modeling the values you would like to see them emulate. Children often do not do as we say; they hardly ever fail to do as we do. Second chances are rare.
“I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. “
Tiger Woods