In the world of storytelling, the “good news; bad news” format is as basic as any other structure for narrative. It always involves some kind of twist or reversal of message. I’m using that old vehicle for communication to illustrate today’s point.
With that as a background, what is the good news?
Answer: We have the ability to shape our lives and make decisions about our life’s direction.
Wow, how can there be bad news associated with such a positive message?
Answer: If we are not satisfied with some aspect of our life, it is our responsibility and obligation to address the issue or problem
Sadly, it seems that there is always some nagging “fine print” attendant to all of life’s massages. If we look it the latter statement objectively, however, even the “bad news” isn’t really bad news. No one likes to feel powerless or out of control. But there is another intonation that is very destructive, and yet in many ways it is veritable music to our ears. The statement is:
“You are not to blame”
And don’t we love to hear those words! Are they not the most soothing of all remarks? Who doesn’t like to believe that some personal failure or shortcoming can be attributed to someone or something else? This single comment, in all of its various forms is the virtual “mother’s milk” of politicians pandering for votes. It is the indulgent statement of parents blaming a teacher for their child’s poor grades rather than expecting more effort and industry from their young one. We all welcome being taken “off the hook” by pointing a finger elsewhere.
But a word of caution and qualification is called for here. First of all, the message of the “good news; bad news” statement is not meant to focus on blame or fault. And often, there clearly is no blame to be attached to one’s negative condition or circumstance. A painfully vivid example of this principle is to be found with child victims of sexual predators. There is no blame, fault, or responsibility for those sad targets of dreadful adults. And yet I must also reject the oft-expressed view which is sympathetically expressed that victims “will never be the same.”
Certainly, it is true that such powerfully negative abuses will never be erased. They happened. But I also believe that, contrary to the implicit implications of that message; one can recover from such abuses. Individuals do heal. And perhaps they are able, with love and support, to move forward from such violations with a sense of recovery and a mission of doing better and helping others.
I often tell my graduate students in professional counseling, “We are in the behavior business. More specifically, we are in the behavior change business.” I believe that it is incumbent upon all trained helpers to believe in the possibility of change. Otherwise, what are we doing? So we all move forward with a realistic change for the better is possible, whatever the issue may be that the client brings to us.
So we are all living with the double-edged sword of possibility and responsibility. Are you willing and capable of assuming that responsibility for change? The “snowman” tells that that all change, as well as all existing conditions, flow from our thoughts and beliefs. Which ones are holding you back? Which ideas need changing?
And, more than anything, accept and embrace the notion that we are the ones steering our course through life.