Once they arrive a few years past adolescence, most men become a problem for their loved ones on birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. They frustrate their wives, girlfriends, and children who seek input or possibilities for gifts they can proffer on such occasions. Ideas for Fathers Day acknowledgments receive the same vacant responses, such as “I can’t think of anything,” or “nothing.”
In this regard, I am a card-carrying member of my tribe. As my two children move into the core of their 30’s, they have learned to successfully defeat their father’s lack of helpful suggestions. This year, both children extended the gift of time. I’ll be taking a painting class with my California daughter, while my son and I will be renewing our pilgrimages to one of golf’s most memorable destinations. They do their best to overcome my lack of imagination or appetite for another golf shirt, more tools, or another coffee mug (amusing message inscribed around it).
But as I reflected on the significance of the day, it occurred to me that my two offspring have provided me with the ultimate Father’s Day gift: the satisfaction that comes from the realization that I played a part in the creation, nurturing, and maturation of two caring, intelligent, and honorable young adults.
For those readers who may feel that I am using this forum to brag about my two stars, I am guilty as charged. But I also want to make a statement about our role as parents of adults. If a good foundation has been constructed, we will, hopefully, continue to function as mentors and confidants to our independent and self-reliant sons and daughters. Clearly, I have been blessed by having a great wife, supportive and wise in-laws, and loving extended family who played a huge role in making Christina and John who they are today. Few men have been so gifted with such outstanding fellow nurturers. But, what if a father lacked that level of support and was not able to generate the quality relationship that they had hoped for with their children?
The answer is sort of a “good news; bad news” story. The “bad news” is that your job is never done. Only naïve or inexperienced fathers believe that their duty is done when the kids turn 18 or 21, or after their kids graduate. Parents of grown children come to understand that our concern, worry, and interest never end. There are no term limits to this election.
Okay, so what’s the good news? Same thing. Your job is never done. And neither is the opportunity to build, improve, or mend your relationship with your children of any age. As “snowmantherapy” suggests (see website: snowmantherapy.com), your negative belief about the current state of your relationship with your grown children is the only real impediment to improving or healing it. Take a step toward fixing or enhancing that special relationship, Dad. Today.
But for me, on this day, I am blessed with the gift of pride and gratitude as I think about my daughter and son.