Genius is the capacity for productive reaction against one’s training.
Bernard Berenson
Definition: tic: a small repeated movement of a muscle, especially of the face, that cannot be controlled. Most of us are fortunate that we do not suffer from this malady. For those that do, it must be a frustrating and uncomfortable condition. A tic makes communication more difficult. It affects how others see the sufferer of the tic. It is off-putting to others as well as the sufferer of the tic. And as the definition states, it is an involuntary, physical condition. It is safe to assume that no one would choose to be beset with one, if it were a choice.
The title of the article is not meant to be an inquiry into my readers’ physiological condition. Rather, the “tic” of today’s message is a metaphor for a nonphysical condition; a state of mind. So in the lexicon of today’s message, we will define a behavioral tic as a seemingly automatic reaction to a stimuli or situation, most likely tied to some past learning or temperamental inclination
Here’s an example: Imagine that you are the subject of some rude or disparaging remark. How do you react? Different individuals will be prone to very divergent responses. Some of us will become immediately angry and might strike back. Others will be instantly hurt. Their tendency might be to withdraw, shrinking away. A very stable few of us could respond by pondering why the speaker would say such a thing. “Might the remark be true”? Or “Perhaps the speaker was upset about something else and responded inappropriately with us?” And so on. The point is that different individuals will react very differently to the same situation. It is, if you will, our tic.
As we reflect on our own conduct, we will have a pretty clear picture of our natural reaction to a difficult or stressful condition. But this is where we have reached the “tic crossroads” and perhaps where our venerable “snowman” puts in its appearance.
On a physical plane, there is little to be done about the annoyance of a tic. But psychologically, our automatic reaction of anger or hurt is very much subject to change. Out tics are correctable without the benefit of medication or surgery. This is achieved by modifying our thoughts and beliefs.
Here’s the process:
Step One: Identify your tic/s. If your response to stress is typically positive and rational, it really isn’t a tic. But if it is some form of either aggression or weakness, you’ve identified a tic.
Step Two: In previous newsletters, and in my book Dump the Neanderthal and Choose your Prime Mate, we discussed this concept:
Life is all about going against tendencies. This idea simply suggests that there is always a need to work toward “the middle” to moderation. If our tic leads us to anger and aggression, we need to slow down. Weak people need to seek strength and courage to speak up. We all need to push against our tendencies.
Step Three: Catch yourself in the act of “mental twitching” (your tic!). When you feel that seemingly automatic reaction boiling up, exercise your ability to “stop the twitch.” Then move yourself in the opposite behavioral direction.
Step Four: The next time a stressful situation presents itself, act accordingly. Removing or modifying our “tics” will allow us to be happier, improve our relationships, and produce more positive outcomes at home, work, and with friends. Allow yourself to celebrate your own growth and progress.
Time decides who you meet in life
Heart decides who you want in your life
Behavior decides who stays in your life.
Lupytha Hermin